Emmanuel Joseph

2010-04-05T01:46:00.001+08:00

"It's a choice that has been offered to many men.

To be a slave in heaven, or a star in hell....

And hell doesn't always look like hell.

On a good day, it can look a lot like - heaven."

- Playing God

2010-04-04T01:39:00.003+08:00

"What's wrong with you?"

"Let me think about that, and I'll tell you the next time I see you."

"Sure, tell me then."

"Thanks for using me."

"You're welcome."

- The Darjeeling Limited

2010-03-30T23:32:00.001+08:00

VINTAGE is fuckin' Gold!

What is LOVE?

2010-03-23T03:50:00.004+08:00

Is Love a feeling between only a man and a woman?

No it isn't.

It's the tingly feeling everyone experiences once in awhile, and it's the most powerful tool.

Love can launch a thousand ships or sink them all.

It can make you happy or cause you to cry.

It can mend your broken heart or break them apart.

It can start a war or bring about peace.

It can start a revolution or make you abide by a rule.

It has the power to do anything and everything, and yet no other can come close to it.

It's as if it's a being on it's own.

Even though it doesn't have a physical presence, you just know for a fact that it's there. You can sense it, and everyone around you will be able to sense it as well. It's contagious, like a virus, but you can never prove whether it's good or bad. Because LOVE is capable of being both good and bad.

Love can cause someone to murder another, or to help create a life.

It can do harm, or instead help enrich you.

It can move mountains or create boundaries.

The limit of Love is both countless and limitless.

It is so profound and sophisticated that some dare to compare it to that of Death.

Why?

Because it's something no one would be able to describe it either. Death on the other hand, cannot be felt like how Love can, unless of course you're dead.

Love can never die and is forever alive. It is what keeps us alive and going whether we are aware of it or not. It's our boost from one day to the next. It can either be the Love for God, family, friends, to be able to see the wonderful creations for another day, money, revenge, and so on and so forth.

Whichever way you were to look at it, it's our Love for a particular thing or someone that spurs us on.

So what is it that WE Love?

What is it that I Love?

Love is a choice we have to make. Whether to be on the good side of it or the bad side of it. And once we have made that decision, Love will consume us like a fire from within. We will never be the same again. So what we want Love to be, solely depends on us, because it results from the choices we make daily.

So what is Love then?

It is basically anything and everything.

It is so profound but yet simple.

It can be described with so many words, but none can come close to describing the true meaning of it.

In other words, to each one of us, Love means a different thing, but yet means the same.

Love my friend is well...

LOVE!

The power of FB

2010-03-08T03:16:00.002+08:00

Thank God for Facebook, especially for those times when I forget the birthdays of my friends.

Cos' you see, it's hard having friends who have a checklist that they hold on to every year, crossing out the people who have wished them, and eliminating those who have not wished them from their friend zone.

Reminds me of the stupid ass game I used to play as a child; friend, no friend, fight!

Pick someone your own size bitch

2010-03-07T03:34:00.001+08:00

Ever wondered why the small fucked up soccer teams have fans who are full of vigor, while the big teams have fans who are filled with arrogance and over confidence.

It's similar to that of a small man trying to fend off a big guy when it comes to matters of life. It's like a David & Goliath story once more.

But why?

Life gives them equal opportunities and as far as probability goes, it's a 50/50 chance for both parties.

But why does your gut feeling tell you to root for the underdog?

It's as if an upset is in the cards.

It's good to be the underdog.

It's good to be the small man.

Like how a dog loves to lick it's ass...

sooner than you expect, you end up being the big guy.

Oh fuck!

What would Steve do?

2010-02-16T20:54:00.003+08:00

I never thought a day like this would eventually come, in which my blog would be pretty much be dead.

I disappoint myself.

I always made a point to let the world know what I was thinking even when I was not blabbering on and on with my group friends. But I've reached a stage where I need a device somewhat to that of what Stephen Hawking uses, to aid me in my quest in ensuring that my name gets itself into the history books.

Help me Steve!

a hand for a cup.

2010-01-11T00:25:00.000+08:00

An eye for an eye,

A hand for a cup.

News has been going around regarding 4 Indian guys groping some girl at a NYE party that was held at Sentosa.

Every single day I'm just amazed at the kind of shit that fills our newspapers and stuff related to our country. Ever noticed that aside from the ST(I'm not saying it doesn't contain crap. The very fact that it's affiliated to STOMP, already speaks volumes), the other papers are just full of BULLSHIT?

There's not a day that goes by that you can't find something that's related to a sexual act. Why are we paying money to be informed about how a guy tries to lure a young boy for sexual favours through the net, or about the growing number of China women around Chinatown? Seriously? Is that the kind of shit that goes on everyday? A police raid on a prostitution ring in the jungles of Woodlands?

I don't see how news like these, play an important role in our day to day living. If you really must place them in the papers, why not give a 100 word summary of it, instead of making it the headlining piece for fucks sake.

So on to the bitch/guy/girl/tranny who got groped.

Firstly I'm in no position to say that she deserves it or not. I'm not her and so, I will never know.

I find it ridiculous that every one's throwing in their two cents worth into this issue, and well like all those who did, here I am too. Yes, I'm fuckin ridiculous too.

To me, I pity the other girls who've gotten violated with such acts or even worse, but do not have a video or picture to help support their claims when making a police report.

If you were to ask me, this ain't bad at all. Having seen the kinds of stuff that go on in clubs you'd be surprised that this sort of thing has garnered rave reviews over the past 10 days.

A club's like an arts festival - somewhere along the lines of HumpFest - with a ton of short films getting screened in there every night, with the same ol'shit getting played over and over again only with different actors and actresses in it. It all depends on how creative you are and the distance you're willing to go.

Here are a few examples:

2 fingers and a hole: In this film you'll be able to find a girl moaning while getting finger fucked.

The One eyed Monster & his Lair: In this one, you'll find the age old tradition/art form passed down from our ancestors, performed in a modern setting.

Peek-a-Boob: Need I say more?

Grind me like Grinder: Some say it's dancing, some say it's dirty dancing. I say it's petting to the sound of music. Whoever came up with this was a sick-ass-genius. Too bad Patrick Swayze ain't featured in any of the daily remakes of his hit movie.

So basically the list goes on and on.

I can't tell you everything can I?

Of course not.

Are all the girls willing when they appear on 'film'?

Maybe?

Maybe not?

When one's under the influence of alcohol, it's hard to tell.

So...

"Blame it on the a a a a a alcohol,

Blame it on the a a a a a alcohol,

Blame it on the Vodka,

Blame it on the Henny,

Blame it on the Blue Top..."

So you can't go around blaming the guys can you. I'm not saying that us(I've got to state it as a whole) guys do not take advantage of situations like these. It takes 2 hands to clap or sometimes well, it's pretty much forced too.

To me the reason why this situation has escalated so high is because it's a bunch of foreign workers doing it.

Imagine if it were a bunch of other guys doing it?

I dare tell you, no one would have bothered to take a picture of such an act. It would have been swept under the rug.

And now they're saying that the victim's a tranny.

This is fanning out to be like an episode out of Days Of Our Lives.

Ultimately, I'm gobsmacked that this is the sort of news that we bother to discuss, instead of leaving it to the authorities while we worry about the well-being of our economy.

FMC!

100110

2010-01-10T23:00:00.002+08:00

So it's a new year and I've yet to do anything with this blog of mine.

Made any resolutions?

Nope.

Never ever did, and never ever will I.

Why?

Cos' it's bullshit.

It was just another new day.

I just thank the heavens that I'm still alive to wreck havoc on earth.

Oh and watch out for me bitches, cos' this is the year I become a free man once more and somebody's gonna get hurt reaaaal bad!

Taiwan!

2009-12-14T18:17:00.002+08:00

After spending about 2 weeks plus in Taiwan, I have come to realize that Singaporeans are indeed a bunch of stuck up cunts.
Not once when I was there, were they disrespectful in any sort of way. They were heart warming in every sense of the word. Best part, they always had a smile on their faces.
Frankly, it was scary at times, especially when everywhere you turn you've got eyes staring at you.
My skin colour definitely had a major part to play in it. It was as if I was some kind of Endangered species that had just landed on their land. I believe that I had more stares than a naked Chinese man running down their streets would get.

The weather there was extremely cold, especially during my first week there, that it caused my balls to shrink. It was wicked I tell you.
Oh, and I had more hard ons during the first three days there, than an entire week in Singapore. Chi pas' and Milk tea with pearls were constantly part of my diet every night.

It was simply amazing. The girls couldn't help staring. The moment I flashed a smile, they would erupt into fits of giggles. There were times, when I actually thought I was some kind of rock star on Tour. HAHAHA!
On the other hand, the guys were trying to communicate with me in English, with your typical "What's up man?", "Dude, how ya doing?", "Take care man", and so on.

Their Amusement Park was huge, and some of their rides were capable of shrinking your balls. You would probably think that you were in one of those scenes in Final Destination hoping for the ride to come to a halt as soon as possible, before it gets out of control.

Shilin Night Market, the equivalent to our Bugis, was spectacular. It was 5 to 6 times the size of it and had everything there, from huge ass Chi pa's (deep fried chicken breasts) to clothes of different kinds (rastafari to hip hop). It was filled with teenagers who made an effort to dress up, unlike that of S'pore. Everyone you see would be dressed up, be it the elderly or their dogs (yes they do dress their dogs up too).
During my entire trip there, I did not see a single person in slippers walking on the streets. It was as if it was Taboo for a person to not dress up. You could give me reasons like they get to experience the four seasons and so they have a wider variety of clothes to choose from, but I dare say fuck you!

Ximending is their very own Orchard Road. The stuff there are kinda pricey (which means there isn't much difference to the prices in S'pore), compared to the stuff sold at their night markets. You find their locals dressed up similar to the styles of those you'll be able to find on either The Sartorialist or Face Hunter.

For me, Taiwan wouldn't have been complete if I didn't get to experience their nightlife. Managed to vsit one of their clubs called Pasoul. Their entrance fee(about S$40) kinda blew me away at first, but what the heck right?
The ladies in there were magnifique. They were kinda like our bookies giving away 1/2 ball or 3/4 ball. Everything about the club was just off the chart, from their music and sound system to the professionalism of their bouncers. The only scary part was that the girls you were dancing with, most likely had a boyfriend who was looking on from the side.

Well to top it all off, the Taxi Driver who drove me back home, used to be a Major at my Camp and retired only a couple of years ago. And yes, he had all the stuff to prove it.

Only having had 2 days to really experience the true hospitality of Taiwan in it's finest, aside from the fact that I was stranded in some remote place of Taiwan for 2 weeks, is enough to make me want to go back there once more.
As much as I had wanted my Taiwan trip to come to an end in the beginning, now I only regret why it had not last any longer.

The Mayans ran out of space on the rock, you retards!

2009-11-21T21:14:00.005+08:00

2012 isn't the kind of movie you would expect me to waste my money on, by watching it in the cinema.
But yes I did end up going to watch it, and no I did not regret watching it. It was your typical Hollywood movie, where the lead can never ever die. Even Mother Nature's was being depicted as a crazy ass bitch for trying to kill him, but to no avail. That aside, I believe every movie has something for us to take away, even if that only means a minute out of the entire thing.

"Like this cup, you are full of opinions and speculations. To see the light of Wisdom, you first must empty your cup."
That has got to be the best part for me; when the Dalai Lama tells it to a young monk.

Adding to that, the movie basically keeps telling us what countless other disaster films have been telling us all the time: Live as if you'll die today.

No one could have said it better than James Dean himself.
"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today."

So will the world come to an end in 2012? I don't think so and well I don't fucking know either!
Firstly, I couldn't care less. If it's time to die, it's time to die. That's just it. Embrace it.

On another note, if by any chance 'The Invention of Lying' happens to reach our shores, GO WATCH IT!
Or you could always go download it! ;)

This is the kind of movie that really deserves something. It might seem a bit draggy or lacking in something at times, but to me it pretty much delivered. If you loved The Office, then well you might like this one, plus it has Jennifer Garner to add that hot feminine touch to it. Oh and you've also go Tina fey!

Low ah low, ris low.

2009-10-10T20:00:00.002+08:00

I do not know who the fuck she is really.

Apparently every time I pick up the papers, something about her is in there.

I've not seen the video in which she speaks engrish and uses the oh-so-famous word 'Boomz', which I still don't get it.

She was apparently caught up in a credit card scandal that the organizers of the Miss Singapore World Competition were unaware of.

Come on really?

They didn't know?

I googled her name so that I can find more information on her and (BAM!) there's a fuckin wikipedia entry on her.

That famous and I still do not know shit about her?

Amazing.

Alright, so I managed to find her infamous video and dude seriously after a minute of that bullcrap I couldn't help but to stop it.

Sigh.

Frankly speaking, I think she should still keep the crown, cos' she represents what it truly means to be Singaporean. Broken English, totally rad sense of fashion and AH to have everything all rojak into one la. Isn't that what being a Singaporean is all about, since we're always bitching about those who fake a fucking accent despite being Asian and speak over the top English to the people we know and so on?

I love her accent and think her English is sort of okay la, like you know the kind that when you speak can understand what she trying to say with her hand gestures and all. Plus, sending her over to compete with others around the world, will also ensure that all those racist angmoh's right don't actually accuse us of using you know the angmoh kia accent or trying to act ATAS by

using BOOMZbastic english words when we speak or else later we mampos!

Correct anot?

Don't you fucking disagree with me on this one!

Bunch of hypocrites! :D

Yippie Kay Yay Motherfucker!

2009-10-10T19:13:00.005+08:00

Obama wins a fucking Nobel Peace Prize!

HAHAH!

You've got to be fuckin kidding me.

Seriously?

Wtf has he done?

Iraq's still the same.

Afghanistan's still the same.

America still looks like it's in deep shit.

More people are against him after his Health Care Bill.

Alright, yes yes he's the first black president for a predominantly white country.

So?

Seems to me like as if the NPP is worth shit these days, not that I ever bothered who won.

Usually it's those guys the world has never heard of, that gets it. It's sort of the world's way of telling them thanks for fucking wasting their time on humanity and trying to achieve peace when it will never be achieved.

Who are we kidding when we say we want world peace? Only bimbos with a fucking crown on their heads bother wishing for stuffs that will not happen. Men were made to show one another who was superior. It's sort of our own way of telling the other that they suck. It's the competitiveness in us that always tend to reign supreme.

I'm not saying he's the only one so far that does not deserve that prize. There are definitely others as well. Like muthafuckin Al Gore.

Out of nowhere he decides to come out, that is after going down badly at the presidental elections so that he can make a mark by creating a film that was hailed as something that we should all be mindful of.

Oh come on!

All of us know that our earth has been cluster fucked by us big time for centuries. Don't tell me that you've not wasted electricity, wasted water or even littered. All of us have done it.

Unless, you're telling me that yes you were once that person, but now you've decided to the take the path less traveled, by helping to preserve mother earth. By that I mean, you've stopped using your handphone or any sort of electrical appliances for that matter. You have decided to live in a hut made out of straws and dung somewhere in the Saharan desert, and you do not waste water cos' you have managed to purify your piss by making it go through some form of treatment process like filtration, reverse osmosis or some shit like that and you use your crap to fertilize the shrubs that are outside your hut. Hence, you can safely say you do not contribute to the pollution of our lovely Gaia.

Yes once in awhile it's good to recycle, reuse and reduce. But obviously not all the time, cos' to me that's fucking paranoia. Frankly, I would be surprised if mother earth were to outlive me. Come on, let's just end it already.

One nuke please?

It's only just a matter of time right?

Besides men were made to use the things he created. Or else what purpose would there be for his creation?

(500) Days Of Summer

2009-10-06T00:49:00.003+08:00

I've to say that it has to be one of the best films this year.

The way it was made; creative indeed.

It's basically told from a guy's point of view of how a girl's approaches/advances are as frustrating as it is for us(viewer), as it is for the guy himself. Well, it's the sort of thing that tells you that, you'll never ever ever fucking know what going on in that mind of hers.

It's hope for the hopeless I suppose.

Cos' one thing's for sure: That once summer's over, autumn's bound to arrive.

Complete the Sentence.

2009-10-03T23:33:00.002+08:00

I'll become a mother when...

Jennifer Aniston - I've found my soulmate

Salma Hayek - I'm mature enough to handle the responsibility

Paris Hilton - the condom breaks.

The first guest I ever Interviewed was...

Barney Hunt - Robin Williams

Jimmy Fallon - Robert De Niro

Larry King - the Burning Bush

A side benefit of my career is that I can...

Jeff Goldblum - get great seats at restaurants.

Sir Paul McCartney - lend my name to charitable causes.

Paris Hilton - shake a beer can in each hand for 10 hours without getting tired.

- The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien (Celebrity Surveys)

Blah, blah, blah...

2009-09-28T01:32:00.002+08:00

"Look, Silas, life is just blah blah blah.

You hope for blah.

And sometimes you find it.

But, mostly, it’s blah and waiting for blah.

And hoping you were right about the blahs you made.

And then, just when you think you’ve got the whole blah damn thing figured out and you’re surrounded by the ones you blah...

Death shows up... and blah, blah, blah."

- From the TV show 'Weeds'

Weed

2009-09-27T02:25:00.002+08:00

"Not to totally alarm you but drugs are now legal in Mexico, okay. Here's how much you can carry! For "personal use," Dr. Gonzo:

The maximum amount of marijuana for "personal use" under the new law is 5 grams-the equivalent of about four joints. The limit is a half gram for cocaine, the equivalent of about 4 "lines." For other drugs, the limits are 50 milligrams of heroin, 40 milligrams for methamphetamine and 0.015 milligrams for LSD."

Taken from: Gawker.com

There are just way too many people who are uptight and stressed up.

How I wish s'pore would legalize weed.

Rainbows and unicorns; weed is the way to go.

2009-09-22T00:56:00.002+08:00

Earlier on I was watching The Late Show with David Letterman on Starworld and I've got to say that Donald trump simply stole the show with his tips in regards to the current recession.

Top Ten Tips from Donald Trump

10 : Only buy things that are essential, like golf courses and beauty pageants

9 : When nobody's watching, I go into the 7-11 and stick my head under a soda nozzle

8 : Save money by styling your own hair

7 : Sell North Dakota to the Chinese

6 : Double your money at the Trump Taj Mahal Casino, home of the loosest slots in Atlantic City

5 : Panic

4 : For tip number 4, simply send me $29.95

3 : If all else fails, steal someone's identity

2: We're screwed

1: The fastest way to get rich: marry and divorce me.

And...

Well here's a video on the Top Ten Things That Sound Cool When Spoken By a Giant Robot.

Zildjian Pitch Black!

2009-09-22T00:42:00.003+08:00

About time I started to do something with my drumset.

My new babies are coming in next week!

WOOOO!

Hair removal

2009-09-16T01:06:00.001+08:00

Hair removal for men.

That's the sort of shit I constantly keep seeing on the side of my FB profile, and in the papers these days.

Wtf is up with that seriously?

Men were created with hair.

Don't tell me that it's useless.

Everything on our body has a purpose.

Hair helps to keep you warm during the rainy seasons.

It also helps to differentiate yourself from women, if you have androgynous looks.

It's like a girl who has big boobs asking herself why do guys only make use of her because of her big boobs. Then she decides to remove them so that she can find a guy who would love her genuinely for who she is.

She never did find any guy after that, and she died a spinster together with her cats in her flat.

I think that's a true story.

So you see my point. Everything has a purpose. Boobs were made to attract men. Girls were made to be attracted to jerks. Guys were made to fuck around and end up catching their girlfriends sleeping around with their best friends. Hair was to show you were a MAN. That's life. And that's well also our body.

If you were born without body hair, then well it sure sucks for you. haha. Fag!

Yes I know having too much hair looks gross. Agreed. Just like what they always say. Keep everything moderated.

If you know you need a shave here or there. Do the necessary things required. You don't need to pay someone to do it for you.

Leave the Brazilian wax for the women. Please?

If you were to look at pictures of how men were portaryed back in those days, they were usually proud to have hair. Just 2 strands of fuckin hair on your chest and the top three buttons of your shirt were guaranteed to come off by themselves, like Pooof!

Now, you've got fuckin waxed up dudes walking around. It's like having a bunch of fags saying that they're straight.

Come on. Have you taken a good look at the guys modelling for the ads? I'm sorry but they look gay.

And besides if you wanted to do something with your body hair, how certain are you that a lady will be helping you to wax it off?

By the look of those ads, man oh man, all I can imagine is that some dude who's in touch with his feminine side pouring hot wax on your legs and asking you if you would like to have extra services to be performed on you.

Well, one thing's for certain is that most European women love men with hair. Body hair.

I'm Single.

2009-09-15T22:40:00.004+08:00

Girls who wear shirts that state 'I'm single' across their chest, should just strip down to their birthday suit and walk the streets of Singapore.

I bet that they wouldn't even get a look, except maybe if they had nice firm boobs and a nicely shaved pussy.

Girls who wear such shirts are either fugly or are desperate to get laid.

Seriously, who the fuck cares if you're single.

Desperation leads you nowhere.

If you really need a dick, maybe you could drop by my place and borrow my shirt which has 'You can lay me' printed on it.

Oh that is after you blow me with a paper bag- that has Kristen Stewart's face on it- over your face.

SLUT!

That Hot Piece of Ass

2009-09-01T00:40:00.002+08:00

Well earlier on when I was taking a stroll back home, I thought of something.

How cool would it be to hook up with a girl at a park while you were jogging?

I bet I'm definitely not the only guy who has thought of this. I actually have tons of them from where they came from.

Hur hur hur.

So the fantasy goes something like this...

Well as you're on your way to the park near your place, you notice this girl. She's in sportswear and walking towards somewhere. Your gut tells you that she's going to the park to work that fat ass of hers. So you carry on walking.

You reach the park and realize that you were fucking spot on about it. You leap for joy on the inside (I do not know for what fucking reason you are joyful), cos she has a fat ass.

Heck she's only got a fat ass right?

Well, we can make do with that.

You begin to jog. You go on and on, sometimes even overtaking the girl with the fat ass. There are times when you really want to tell her to speed the hell up, cos' if she's gonna be running at that speed, she ain't never gonna lose that jello ass in this lifetime.

But you wouldn't want to fuck up your own fantasy would you?

Of course not.

So you decide to shut your pie hole and continue jogging.

After jogging for about 5km, you stop to take a drink and make your way home. Just then you spot a hot ass jogging in front of you.

Nope it definitely ain't that girl with the fat ass. Despite it being a fantasy, you still can't lose that big of an ass in that short period of time.

Let's be realistic shall we?

Don't you dare say, I'm being an oxymoron. I will fucking kill you. It's my fantasy, so shut it.

Well, you got a hot piece of ass jogging right in front of you. She stops. Takes a look behind. You smile, she smiles.

Tulips start blooming, squirrels start running up and down trees, butterflies start flapping their wings and flying all around the fucking place, and well rabbits and dogs start fucking. You start to feel that you're in heaven.

Well, I wouldn't want heaven to look like the Discovery Channel would I?

Gross.

But it still happened, so on with it.

But yes, as those stuffs are happening so as to set the right ambiance, you realize she's wearing a shirt that has a screen on her T-shirt (I bet you've seen those shirts with LCD screens on them that light up at Clarke Quay). Well the only difference is that she has the screen on the back of the T-shirt.

She takes out her hand phone. It looks like she's typing something. Then you realize that it's connected to the screen on her shirt. It reads "FOLLOW ME!", and it's flashing in hot rod red. You just think it's a mere coincidence, but she turns to give you one more look before starting to run. You're like "Wtf am I supposed to do now?". So you give chase. You do it just nice, so that you don't overtake her, and make it obvious to people that you're gonna get laid by that hot piece of ass in front of you.

You end up under her block. You both enter the lift like as if nothing happened. But as soon the lift door closes and begins to rise up up and away, to the designated floor that it has been told to stop at, both of you start making out. Hot steamy make out in the lift.

Nice.

Lift stops. Both of you walk out of it. She takes out her keys and opens the door to her pad. Somehow you know where her room is, like as if you've been there before. But being the guy who loves to try out new stuff, you leave out the bedroom and instead bring her into the gym that she has in her house. A sporty chick sure loves doing it in the gym together with the dumbbells and machines, or so you think.

Wham bam thank you ma'am, and the next thing you know you're putting your clothes on and preparing to leave her place.

Wouldn't that just make an excellent French film?

I think it would.

Sweet.

Check them out!

2009-08-22T16:15:00.002+08:00

Technology has enabled us to laugh at the stupidity of people from all around the world.

Goddamnit I love technology.

The Big Boy Who Dreamt Small

2009-08-15T00:33:00.000+08:00

A boy once dreamt.

To be a nobody.

No ambition.

No goals.

Not even a soul.

Everyone laughed at him.

No one knew him.

Yet everyone knew him.

Insignificant like dust.

But he still paraded as if with a mask.

Clustered together.

As time passed.

Significant now.

He became.

The name.

Man In The Mirror

2009-08-13T00:22:00.001+08:00

Looked at him.

Man in the mirror.

Just like me.

Same look.

Same clothes.

Different emotions potrayed.

One that's felt within.

Another shown by him.

Walked away.

Came back again.

Different look.

Different clothes.

Different emotions potrayed.

Different him.

Different me.

IHTSBIH!

2009-08-11T04:19:00.002+08:00

I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT!

2009-08-11T00:06:00.002+08:00

I think it's about time I start learning how to play the guitar, so that I can transform my thoughts and emotions into music that soothes the soul.

2009-08-10T23:31:00.003+08:00

I was listening to Billie Jean when I realised the chorus pretty much sumed up the MJ saga.

Billie jean(Debbie Rowe) is not my lover

Shes just a girl who claims that I am the one

But the kid is not my son

She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son

That dude and his cryptic songs.

2009-07-29T01:12:00.002+08:00

Have you ever wondered why did the terrorists decide to use the 'unattended bag' concept to plant their bombs?

Seriously, whichever terror dude who came up with that shit should be shot dead asap. I really miss those times, when I saw those unattended bags at some corner and told myself, "I hope there's some pretty good stuff in there for me".

Those times when you walked over to the bag and looked around to make sure it really wasn't the bag of someone who was nearby, but instead of someone who was absent minded and a dick head(some times I end up being that guy. hehe. Karma's a bitch ain't it?).

You would pick the bag up, and check to see if there's any form of identification as to who the bag belonged to; only to find a teletubby/barney/bob the builder play set in it. At that moment you'd find yourself jumping for joy on the inside, as you crouch down 30 degrees in an evil gollum way and start rolling your eyes from side to side and making sure no one actually spotted you with your treasure chest.

Yes I miss those times.

Don't you?

Well, ever since those terror dudes decided to mess with my feelings, I've regretted not looking into the many unattended bags that I've came across. Those dudes have fucked with my mind so bad that every time I see an unattended bag, I suspect that there's a bomb inside it, together with Lala, Po or Bob.

I wouldn't be able to enjoy playing with them at home would I?

Damn you *&%#%^#$!&*( !!!

2009-07-25T21:57:00.006+08:00

Do guys prefer girls with short hair or long hair?

There are definitely those who would prefer their girls to have long hair to short hair, but that in no way means that ALL guys prefer girls in long hair.

MOST guys do not give a fuck whether or not a girl has long or short hair. If she can pull it off, then SHE CAN PULL IT OFF!

Simple as that.

If femininity is deemed by the length of a girls hair, then all I can say is that society is seriously fucked.

When Asian girls tend to cut their hair short, MOST of them end up looking like a butch(BUT there are definitely the exceptions of course right?) compared to the Caucasians. Reason being, they have stronger facial features, PLUS I think they exhibit more confidence too.

Who the fuck cares what guys/others think when you cut your hair short or even decide to shave your head bald?

If you think it's nice, then it's nice. Feel confident in it. Period.

That's like saying ' Do girls prefer guys with long hair or short hair?'.

There are guys with long hair, and does that make them any feminine? Alright I've got to admit, some do look girly, but look at Brad Pitt in Troy, did his character with long hair, prevent ladies from salivating at the every movement of his Pantene commercial worthy hair? Hell no.

Most male rock stars have long hair, but does that mean they do not have groupies who go crazy over them? Of course not, they wanna get fucked hxc by them instead.

So dear Miss. G to the Cheng, snap out of your insecurities and start loving yourself, cos' coming from a guy, it's sheer confidence that makes a girl pretty/beautiful/sexy or whatever the fuck you wanna call it. I may not have seen you before, but whether or not you may look like a butch or a Chinese carbon copy of Agyness Deyn I wouldn't know.

If you still insist on wanting to know whether you look good in it, (cos I know for a fact that it's very hard for a girl to snap out of her insecurities) ask a male friend of yours whom you know for sure, is out right honest.

Don't bother asking your girlfriends.

Trust me.

If it makes you feel any better:

Do Check this out!

Opinions on girls with short hair.

If any guy were to say he doesn't find any of the girls above attractive, I can safely say he's a fag!
(pictures are courtesy of Face Hunter and some random websites)

2009-07-17T01:01:00.000+08:00

One morning I woke up to have my breakfast, while I was in camp. I got myself a Styrofoam cup for my drink and a pack of food, and headed to grab a seat.

I'm not a morning person. Alright not really, except for the 4 hours after getting out of bed syndrome that I kind of have. It's a birth defect I assume. But once after that I'm become more of a lunatic.

So I'm basically still sleep walking and sleep eating and sleep-doing-whatever-shit I'm supposed to be doing at this point of time.

Picture me having my eyes half closed and walking like a zombie from place to place, with a wacky hairdo. Yes I know I look sexy. It's my very own 'out of bed look'. I should look into becoming a trendsetter and unleashing my creativity during Paris Fashion Week. Imagine models sloppily walking out with half opened eyes and some crazy hairdo that even hairstylists at Toni & Guy will not be able to do.

I know. Awesome right? Hmm...

Anyway back to my breakfast.

Well, as I was busy eating my food, some guys started to laugh at me. Usually I couldn't be bothered, but this lasted for more that 10secs. So I looked up at them with my bedroom eyes and asked what was the matter without mentioning a single word.

They said it was nothing. So I went back to eating my food, when they began laughing again. I was kinda pissed, thinking that maybe some prick managed to draw some crude artwork on my forehead while I was fast asleep. This time, I opened my mouth and asked if that was it. Somehow that wasn't it also.

Sloppy Jo was pissed by now, and so I demanded an answer. To which they replied, "Your cup dude. It looks fucking weird. Like it has some form of acne or something. It looks fugly."

Obviously that kind of shook me out of nevereverland where I was having tea with MJ.

All that laughing bull was because of a weird looking Styrofoam cup?

I decided to study my cup closely. My gosh it looked hideous. Like it had teeny weeny craters all over the place. Like some pimply face person.

I began to feel jealous.

Why out of all the people who would have to take a Styrofoam cup, did the ugly have to come to me? Was this all fate? Was this all Mj's fault, for entering my nevereverland and deciding to have tea with me? Has discrimination gotten out of hand, in which inanimate objects have to succumb to it too?

After moments of thinking about how the cup would actually feel-it being different and all- I decided that a group had to be set up to protect both the cup and it's user from all the humilation they would receive though the years. Well, that's the kind of things I end up thinking about when I'm Sloppy Jo.

Well, the moment it reached the 4 hour mark, I got up. Took my cup gently in my right hand and walked where all the other Styrofoam cups were. Gave my cup one final look before crushing it brutally and ending it's life there and then, and later tossing it into the big black coffin.

I took another cup, checked it to make sure it was beautiful like how everyone liked theirs to be and walked back to my seat, with a sense of regret...

because that cratery thing, did look beautiful to me.

2009-07-16T23:02:00.002+08:00

Come on seriously people, the last thing anyone would want to hear the moment they switch on their television would be something to do with MJ.

So why is there news about him still circulating all over the place; be it the web,TV or even kids shows?

It's going to be a month for fuck's sake.

Who the fuck wants to know how he died or did he really die?

Come on!

He's dead. period.

Besides if stuff like the following questions were answered, it would have been great unlike his death:

Is his dick Black or White? Did he bleach that shit too?
Those kids aren't his: because he's black and well they're white. Beating around the bush to find who the real parents are, is kind of fucking with the minds of those poor kids. I bet they even know that a black guy can't fucking have a white child with blond hair. Who is he kidding?
Why can't Angelina or Madonna come to the rescue and adopt them?
Who the hell has he been bending over for?

Instead of answering important questions like these, they decide to find out how he died?

He's dead you bunch of dumbfucks. No matter how many autopsies you do, it ain't gonna bring him back alive.

It's about time you guys chose another idol to start worshipping, and let 'nature' repeat it's course.

2009-07-11T01:04:00.005+08:00

Here are a couple of short films I found on Youtube, and they're simply hilarious.

YOU HAVE TO WATCH THEM!

2009-07-03T15:00:00.000+08:00

Alright this goes out to you bro.

If this post is up, it means I'm in camp and those bastards decided to confine me and I wouldn't be able to chill out one last time and tell you what kind of chicks I want, before you head over to Aus to get me a few aussy chicks.

Well, time flies by pretty fast I must say. We were once lazing around trying out basically everything and anything we could lay our hands on.

And it's during those times of self-reflection and naked girls running across fields of lavender(in our minds) that we came up with stuff like WACKED! and V.O.H.!

I've got to say that we are simply sick to the bone.

I know you moving your ass to Australia to pursue a degree in Journalism, is just an excuse to let your hair down and party like a rock star, together with the countless number of white chicks on that magnificent land of the kangaroos.

I just hope that you wouldn't get your ass whopped and sent straight back to S'pore after some racist white guy decides to fuck you up. If any of them do, just remember to grab his bitch and head on back down to my crib.

At least while India holds countless protests regarding the racism going on in Aus, we'll be partying with some aussy chick back here. Sounds good I say.

Well from the way I look at it, it's more of expanding our 2 most awesome creations to another continent.

We'll slowly conquer a bit of the world a valley at a time eh? :)

Anyway, once you're done with whatever shit that you're going there for, you better get me a white chick back. Besides I would be done with the Army by then.

Here's the criteria:

Blonde

A nice rack (not too big not too small)

Pink nipples

A fine booty

Meaty in the right areas (I don't want no skinny bitch)

She damn well knows how to dress to impress.

Brunette

A nice solid rack

A fine booty

Meaty in the right areas (I don't want no skinny bitch)

She damn well knows how to dress to impress.

Redhead

She has to have the right amount of freckles on her face.

Freckles on her body would be nice too, then I could play connect the dots while she's naked.

A nice rack (not too big not too small)

Pink nipples

A fine booty

Meaty in the right areas (I don't want no skinny bitch)

She damn well knows how to dress to impress.

If you can get one of each, that would be simply awesome bro. I would get you a six-pack for that.

Well, have a safe trip and remember RIDE THE BIG ONE MUTHAFUCKER!

Happy Birthday Bro!

2009-06-30T13:51:00.000+08:00

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?

I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.

2009-06-29T20:02:00.000+08:00

Everytime I see this commercial on tv, I just can't help but to tell myself that Heineken produces the best commercials?

Fuck you no.

That why the hell I decided to stop drinking.

Oh and Heineken produces awesome commercials and beer of course.

Oh and Bavaria decides to join in the fun.

Dicks.

Nonetheless it's equally as funny! :)

Foxy Lady!

2009-06-28T19:15:00.007+08:00

After watching Transformers 2, my love for Megan Fox just grew even more.

Just check this chick out! AHHHH!

She even has the nerd look going on for her!
GORGEOUS!

Ah yes squeeze them for me my lady!

And check this video out!

I've got a thing for eyes when it comes to girls, and damn her eyes are so damn BEAU-TI-FUL!

Oh and yes, Transformers 2 was awesome.

2009-06-27T00:00:00.000+08:00

What would make a video of a snail moving from S'pore to Africa seem fast?

Nope.

Close.

Hell no.

Need a hint?

Alright, it 'runs' slower than it.

Hmm...not really.

Alright, so you give up?

Okay okay.

It's a soap opera.

It's not just any soap opera, but an Indian Soap Opera.

When I mean slow, I really mean fucking slow.

When I was much younger, I use to watch Days of Our Lives. My classes(pri sch) were usually in the afternoon so that made it possible for me to catch it.

As much as they are known to be beat around the bush and come up with one scandal after the other, it was still going at a reasonable pace.

The other day when my mum and sis were watching an Indian Soap Opera on cable, I decided to sit and check it out (As much as I am Indian by birth, culturally I'm not at all. I do not watch Tamil movies, never listen to Tamil songs and well like I said I do not like Indian girls. So basically I'm fucked up. Sweet. And to even get me to sit down and watch some Indian show, you'd have to pay me at least $50, or get me a tub of ice-cream).

Well, the show was already mid-way through the season and I didn't know wtf was happening at all. You see with English ones, after watching like maybe 3 or 4 episodes, you should be able to know roughly what's exactly going on and a brief history of the characters.

But with this one, I was beginning to wonder if whether or not I should put myself through another 3 more episodes to see if it's actually interesting. So I put my theory to the test. Would I be able to know the basic storyline that's going on and a brief history of the characters after 4 episodes?

Episode 1:

Couple A quarrels and gets into a heated argument. Man walks towards kitchen, grabs knife.

Couple B are madly in love, but the husband is cheating on the wife. Wife doesn't know.

Boy is crossing the road when a car knocks him down. Rushed to the hospital.

To be continued...

Episode 2:

Man with knife, is walking towards the living room. He stops, and turns to the refrigerator, to grab a nice cold drink first.

Wife sees husband with another woman when she goes shopping at a mall. She hides behind a pillar and stalks them.

Boy is in critical condition.

Couple C are known to have their son missing.

To be continued...

Episode 3:

Husband enters the living room with the knife. He confronts his wife. Wife isn't afraid. She challenges him to a duel. Husband drops his knife down and reaches for his light saber and so does his wife.

Wife has a smirk on her face. She likes what she sees. Husband returns home that night. She begins to tell her husband about her fantasies. About how she would love to have a threesome. Husband is dumbfounded. His hand reaches for....

Boy wakes up after a blood transfusion. Loses most part of his memory except his name. When asked for it, he says that his name is sundramoorthy balakrishnan s/o ramamoorthy sidashivan (the direct translation to English would be John Connor). Is shipped to Madagascar accidentally together with a group of zoo animals. He breaks open from his crate upon arrival only to find himself surrounded by animals. King Kong's wife comes along and cradles him under her bosom and names him Mowgli.

Couple C are frantically looking for their missing son. They put up posters of their son. He's 28 has bangs as his hairstyle, looks a bit like Paula Abdul only more autistic and tranny looking. Mowgli boy is not their son.

To be continued...

Episode 4:

Husband slashes wife's left hand off. Wife laughs and grows back a pair like a hydra. She swings her saber only for it to rip her husband's genitals off. His turn to laugh. He grows 2 more. Upon seeing this, the wife drops her saber on the ground. Husband drops his too. And well, they drop everything that's on them and have hot steamy make up sex. Half way through it she begins shouting some random guy's name. Husband's furious. He heads into the kitchen again -this time naked- to get a knife....

Husband introduces her to the other lady. They begin to fulfill both his and his wife's fantasy. Wife leaves to go the bathroom. She gets a text message from her boyfriend asking her to meet him tomorrow morning at 10am...

Boy has new friends. He starts to fall in love with King Kong's microwave. Microwave is actually a machine send from the future to kill sundramoorthy balakrishnan s/o ramamoorthy sidashivan a.k.a John Connor. King Kong finds out and gets jealous...

To be continued...

Alright, basically I made that all up after the first one. For God's sake, I couldn't bear to sit through another 3 more.

The point is that it's boring. I do not know what's happening, and well it takes roughly 3 to 4 episodes for a character just to go to the toilet to take a leak (according to my mum, who's a reliable source).

If that is not what you call fuckin retardedly slow then I do not know what is.

Micheal Jackson dead at 50

2009-06-26T10:18:00.008+08:00

Micheal Jackson dies of a heart attack, or so they say.

I'm going more in the lines of his nose falling off and a mosquito flying inside it, causing him to have breathing difficulties. Thus, resulting in his death.

Or as he was having one of those now famous escapades with a boy, his old and weak heart couldn't take it.

This was a man who took crotch-grabbing screaming to a whole new level.

He made paedophilia the new sex.

He ensured that the things that should never be done by anyone, was done in 'Neverland'.

He brought the happiness of fatherhood to a another level, by dangling his son off a balcony.

He was the King of Pop.

He took the term 'nose job' too literally.

He created the moon walk.

He was the only guy I know of, who basically led both the lives of a white and a black man within a lifetime (from an all guns blazin nigger to a member of the KKK; that's the shitz).

I looked up to him when I was a kid. Trying to copy his moves whenever he was on tv. His songs were a phenom. No one can come close to him in terms of his music career. As for his life, I guess R.Kelly was pretty close.

Well, I'm sure to miss is crotch-grabbing screams and awesome dance moves.

Anyway...

Come on, the moment it ended up him having to sell off his 'Neverland' ranch, you know his time was coming. It was as if his world was gone.

Even Peter pan would be sad.

Whatever it is, I bet Micheal's in a nightie flying up high in the skies together with Peter looking for young boys to bring them to THE 'Neverland'

You better watch out,

You better start to cry,

Better to pout,

I'm telling you why:

Wacko Jacko's is coming to town.

He's making a list,

And checking it twice;

Gonna find out

Who's naughty and nice.

Wacko Jacko's coming to town.

He wanks while you're sleeping.

He knows when you're awake.

He knows if you've been bad or good,

So be good for goodness sake!

Oh, you better watch out!

You better start to cry.

Better to pout,

I'm telling you why:

Wacko Jacko's coming to town.

Wacko Jacko's coming to town!

2009-06-26T02:05:00.000+08:00

Last week, I had to head down to a Sports Complex for some event. I was hungry, so I made my way down over to the canteen that was around the corner. But the prices there were just ridiculous. A can drink costs you $1.20 but a small bottled drink costs you $1.50. I don't quite get it. That's like saying 30cents entitles you to get another can, which I don't get it.

I began finding for a vending machine, assuming that it would be much cheaper. When I find one, the drinks are priced at $1.70.

I'm not cheap, but I would certainly love it if it were to be like in primary school where the food were priced at a dollar and drinks at 50 cents.

When all hope is lost, that's when the hopeless gets thinking.

What if Sheng Siong were to open an outlet at that place to add a bit a competition?

I bet that even if that lady at that stall were to spread her legs wide open on the counter, no one would still come.

Nonetheless I ended up buying myself a hot dog bun and a bottled drink. Besides a hungry man is an angry man.

2009-06-25T11:19:00.002+08:00

According to popular beliefs, Men are hornier and we think about sex every 7 seconds.

"The idea that men think about sex every seven seconds, like the claim that we only use 10 percent of our brains, is often repeated but rarely sourced. The number doesn't bear up against scrutiny. According to the Kinsey Report (Sexual Behavior in the Human Male), 54 percent of men think about sex every day or several times a day, 43 percent a few times a week or a few times a month, and 4 percent less than once a month. Even though the Kinsey Report relies on men to self-report on how often they think about sex, it's still eye opening to find that just under half of men aren't even thinking about sex once a day. Clearly, the seven-second rule may be a tad hyperbolic."

Taken from Psychology today.

The only reason I can see why men seem to be more hornier then women is because we are more open about it. We talk about it, we joke about it, we insert anything sexual into our conversations. But the only thing we probably think when we see a hot girl walk past would be to bring her to church, make her meet Jesus our bro and then to become her brother.

You see, we don't strip women with our eyes. We merely remove their clothes with our eyes while we find some other clothes to put on her. It's just like the backstage of a fashion show really.

Well, women just won't get it.

Anyway, if you were to ask me, I would say women are more hornier than men. Why?

Well they can have multiple orgasms in a row and the amount of suppressed emotions that they probably hide inside when given the right opportunity, would erupt like well...hmm...Mount Everest.

If men so-called think about sex every 7 seconds then I would say women think about sex, men, shoes, shopping, when's their period gonna come and clothes every 6.5 seconds.

How are they even capable of juggling so many things within such a short span of time?

Well, haven't you heard?

They can multi-task dude.

(e.g. While having sex with a man, she's busy thinking of which shoe she should get( either the one from Jimmy Choo's or the one by Lanvin) when she goes shopping at Taka, despite having her period tomorrow or the day after. Oh and I left something out. She actually thinks that she's making love with Johnny Depp).

2009-06-24T01:17:00.001+08:00

Let me just tell you a story of what happened a few days ago.

While I was on facebook, I came across a MASKerade Party.

I called up Ash, asked if he wanted to go.

Got another friend, Faizal.

He's studying to become a lawyer at NUS and was having some law camp.

He was prepared to leave that for a while to do a bit of partying.

We ended up there the next day.

Met a beautiful girl who showed us the way to the party. Apparently according to Ash, she was checking out my ass.

We go in, see here see there. We didn't want to be carrying our goodie bags the entire night so we leave to go place them in Faizal's bike.

On our way there, we meet Sarah. It was a fucking long time since Ash and I last saw her. She exclaims "who the fuck are you?" when I say "Hi Sarah".

I say "I'm Jo", to which she replies "I know".

I'm confused.

She turns to Ash and says "Hi Ashley".

We begin talking a bit.

We told her we would talk to her later on.

The party seemed too chilled out.

It didn't have a dance floor, more like a dance mat.

It was well decorated.

Had tarot card reading, some guys swirling light sticks and free airbrush tattoos.

Sarah with her friend.

Before she leaves, she asks if we were interested in going out to party the following day.

I reply with a muthafuckin YES!

We decide to call a few more people to liven up the solemn mood.

Well of all people Maureen replies and says that she would love to come.

Out of all the time I've probably called her, it has either gone to voicemail or her calling me back 2 days later asking what was it about.

She drops by, we catch up.

We decide to fuck the party and head on down to Clarke Quay.

Faizal leaves for law camp again at about 1am.

Went to Rebel/Zirca, met my friends there.

Partied a bit.

Maureen hasn't perfected the art of dancing with heels on yet.

Ash and I had to take turns to babysit her while one of us was dancing.

I was too tired to party the next day.

So I messaged Sarah that I wasn't gonna go.

She asks me if I was sure I didn't want to go.

I hate it when people do that. They mind fuck me. Girls always do that. Bleah.

I ended up going in the end.

I waited and waited for a fucking long time.

Girls are always late and can never stick to the time they mention. Even though I thought I was going to be late at first.

Ended up at the Fire station.

Some place at Bukit Timah. Not bad. Except for the female DJ who was like a serial killer, brutally killing every song that was actually nice.

I ended up meeting my Army mate at the party.

Turns out it was a good decision to say yes to the party.

Got to know a few more kkk(kool kids klub) kids. -.-

Left that place after about an hour or so and headed down to Clarke Quay with Sarah and her 2 friends.

Was supposed to head on down to Butter Factory. This would later prove to be another good decision I made, after hearing that the place became the thrid cluster of H1N1.

Instead they headed to Attica.

I ended up at Arena. Met a few friends there, who brought a few of their friends, who also ended up being friends of mine.

Fucking small world, this is.

More like what a small country this is.

6 degrees of separation.

Tonight, oh tonight

2009-06-23T00:09:00.000+08:00

And I saw her face tonight,

And I saw her face tonight,And I wonder what I might,

And I wonder what I might,

Do to her tonight, oh tonight.

Hair short like a boy in tights,

Her hair short like a girl in tights,

Got into countless fights,

She got into countless fights,

And I wonder what I might,

Do to her tonight, oh tonight.

Her life is a mess but she won't fix it,

But for others anything she'll do except further break it.

Different from all the other girls,

She's different from all the other girls,

Lives in her own imaginary world,

She lives in her own imaginary world,

In which she's the only girl,

In which she's the only girl.

Awaiting for some guy to come,

And to give her some,

But I wonder what I might,

Do to her tonight, oh tonight.

Hair long like a girl in white,

My hair long like a girls in white,

Who ran around fields with a kite,

Who ran around fields with a kite.

My life's a mess and I can't fix it,

Only she can, cos' I'll only end up further breaking it.

Just like all the other boys,

I'm just like all the other boys,

Treat girls like some kind of toy,

Who treats girls like some kind of toy,

But definitely not into other boys,

Oh definitely not into other boys.

And I wonder what she might,

Do to me tonight, oh tonight.

2009-06-22T01:23:00.003+08:00

After watching Amelie again, I kind of realised that in reagrds to my previous post on the many questions I have, it's nothing compared to hers.

Asking a qns like "How many people are having an orgasm right now?" , now that's rad baby. I should probably ask questions like that in my mind next time.

"How many old men, have died on an overdosage of Power 1 Walnut while screwing some China girl today?"

2009-06-19T21:01:00.001+08:00

When I was a little boy, they called me a liar, but now that I'm grown up, they call me a writer.

- Isaac Singer

2009-06-17T01:00:00.000+08:00

I've got a thing for girls with freckles.

They're just HOT!

Lucy Liu

Some random lady from Face Hunter.

LINDSAY LOHAN!

2009-06-16T00:09:00.002+08:00

There are many things in life which I tend to question like the following:

What if this were to be hell?

What if this were to be heaven?

What if after we die, there's nothing at the end of it?

What if some alien like creature awaits us all?

What if we all are characters in a game and reincarnation actually means to re-spawn into a new character? (I'm not sure about the terms gamers use, so I hope you understand)

What if the Devil was indeed God? Like his alter ego or something?

What if after you die, you had the choice to choose where to go? Heaven or Hell or Candy land?

What if AIDS was nature's way of saying you fucked the wrong hole? Like how you visit some porn site and BAM! you contract some form of Trojan horse, and you're infected. Only that you won't be able to delete it with some of device called Anti-AIDS.

What if there are indeed aliens? And Tom Cruise was indeed right? And instead of St. Peter, it's Tom who awaits you at the gates of heaven jumping on some heavenly couch?

What if E.T. was God?

What if after you die, you had 7 heavenly virgins waiting for you? Only thing is that you have an invisible dick, and all of them will technically remain virgins for all eternity, because they won't feel a thing and neither will you. So what's the point?

What if God was a woman?

What if God was gay? FUCK YOU! He isn't! That I'm 100% fucking sure.

What if God was both female and male? Not in a sick way like a she male, but in a very spiritual way like an angel.

What if God's just fucking with us? Like chess pieces on a chessboard, only thing is that he's the player on both sides. He never loses. As they always say "The House always wins".

What if men could read the minds of women? AHHHHH! That would be awesome!

What if I could read the minds of women? I'm being selfish here guys. Sorry.

What if indeed all dogs end up in heaven? Won't there be like tons of heavenly dog poo around? Will we then have to keep heaven clean by picking them up with those stupid bags that you can find in parks for pet owners?

What if God IS bacteria? He is everywhere isn't he?

What if guys had 2 dicks?

What if guys didn't have an arse/arsehole, and the waste decomposes within our bodies without having the need to be excreted out? Would there still be homosexuals?

What if after we 'die' we end up on Pluto? And the caskets that our bodies have been placed in are actually vaults that teleport us to a different place.

What if we never really die? And our heart decides to take a rest during some part of our life only for it to resume normal duties after a year of uninterrupted rest? But we will never really know that because after a couple of minutes we consider anyone without any heart beat to be dead.

What if tiramisu was actually bird shit?

What if indeed we are apes? But then why when some African dude decided to fuck some ape, he contracted AIDS? Aren't we just fucking our species? OR was it because it was related to him, and it was incestuous to do so? Like how your kids turn out to be retards when you screw your own blood relation?

What if there were no women?

What if there were no men?

What if we did not create God or vice versa?

What if Adam killed Eve for fucking him up with God?

What if Eve wasn't being a bitch and didn't give Adam the apple?

What if there wasn't that motherfucking snake?

What if it wasn't an apple? But actually a rambutan? And Adam didn't know how to eat it and ended up swallowing it's seed. So by being manly he blamed it on Eve? And it would have been called 'The Adam's Rambutan' instead. Because it sounded too hairy and obscene, so they decided to go with the apple story instead?

What if Adam was Gay? He couldn't have been right? So therefore I conclude there's no such thing as homosexuals. It's just a figment of their own imagination.

etc.

I guess I only know the answers to 2 questions.

Two down a million more to go...

2009-06-15T20:57:00.001+08:00

Going to war over religion is basically killing one another to see who's got the better imaginary friend.

- Captain Slow

2009-06-11T23:29:00.001+08:00

Women and babies do not go together. Okay at least not 8.

Octo Mom - whatever her name is - is a psychotic bitch. There is a fucking limit to what you want. And especially when it involves lives, the risk one takes is great/huge/8 babies coming out from the same hole kind of huge.

Who in the right mind would want to have 8 babies? Fuck.

Nowadays, a kid alone can't even be brought up properly with the right tender fucking loving care that it needs. And on top of that EIGHT?

I think she's got a fetish for pulling stuff out of her vagina just like magicians love pulling rabbits out of their hats.

When you already have 6 kids, any lady would have placed a sign on the exit of her baby factory that would tell any trespassers to not lurk around the area and if they insist on doing so, they should at least be wearing a protective overcoat before entering the premises.

Oh no, no, no. She decides to fuck everyone up; her previous 6 kids plus the taxpayers money of Cali.

It's any one's guess how the hell she's going to raise those kids. What will her kids make of her when they grow up?

Teacher: What does your mom do?

Kids: She makes babies. Like babies with a capital S.

Teacher: What's your mom's name? Erm...is it...

Kids: Ms. Attention-seeking-baby-producing-whore?

Teacher: Wow! You kids have a good grasp of the English Language. Well it seems like you kids can skip straight to Grade 4. When you pass Go, collect $200.

On top of all this shit, she has charities to help raise funds for her kids. Yup every time you hit the pay pal button on her site, you're wiping the ass of her kids and changing their soiled diapers for her(or so she says) but I'm thinking that being the person she is, she will probably use it for plastic surgery. Have you seen her face? Her lips and nose and eyes and mouth...alright basically every fucking part of her face looks fucked from her previous plastic surgeries.

How about a new FB group called 'Feed Octo Mom's children with just a click'?

America, what are your sheriffs doing? Get them to cordon off that wajaja/wajaya/widjaya/vagina /pussy(whatever the fuck you wanna call it), lock it up and seal it. Anyone who happens to wander around within a 30cm radius, will be 'Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go.'

It should be a maximum security area.

You know damn right!

2009-06-08T17:02:00.000+08:00

President Obama decided to shutdown Guantanamo Bay.

That to me was the most stupidest thing he has ever down so far and there are definitely a lot more on the way.

You see my fellow people, that place detained hundreds and thousands of 'terrorists'. None of them were guaranteed terrorists but they were suspected to be plotting something against the Western super powers and so something had to be done about them. Reasonable.

But that place was fucked in every sense of the word. It treated those orange-clad jumpsuit guys like dog shit. Or even worse that dog poo.

The type of torture that went on in there, none of us will know. Whatever happened in GB stays in GB. Seems like Vegas ain't the only place that practises that bull.

As much as I think it's a bad place, shutting down will only contribute to a clusterfuck of events that will be aimed at America.

Obama might not really be doing a good thing after all. You see, these guys were treated like poop back in there. Releasing them with stuff still fresh in their heads like the torture, (okay, basically I do not know what else goes on there besides torture torture and maybe torture?) they experienced in there, their hostility towards America will be there and their hatred for what that nation did to them will only further intensify their desires to fuck America up.

So here's the plan I propose Obama.

Get back all those guys back and put them in.

Wait!

You Americans are so good in coming up with all sorts of variations of Extreme Makeover. Why not do a reality show 'Extreme Makeover: Guantanamo Bay' instead.

Money has been wasted turning fat ugly bitches into fake plastic dolls and houses into playboy mansions but no one could actually do something about a place where guys who didn't do anything get detained and tortured?

What little brain you have.

So revamp the entire place. Get a fucking Starbucks in there. Maybe a few designer boutiques that sell designer jumpsuits for them.

Give them credits like they do in the army. They earn 10 credits for being good and a 10,000 for ratting out a fellow terrorist. It works both ways. Here are a list of things you could possibly put in it:

Starbucks
Calvin Klein
Emporio Armani
Zara (for the casual/formal look)
Topman (for the standouts in the group)
A pub (Friday night soccer)
A club (Wednesday Ladies nights)
Monday Bingo nights.
Strip Clubs (Fundraisers to help young women raise money for their college; that's how I see it)

Oh come on, I know you Americans are capable of pimping stuff out stuff way better that anybody can. So go do it.

Next thing you know, when they come out of there, they'll be so happy they might even help crash planes into caves for you.

Sounds nice doesn't it?

2009-06-06T15:37:00.005+08:00

It was an insanely hot Sunday. It was the 24th of May to be precise. I was about to book in back to camp, so I had to walk to the bus stop. That walk to the stop was probably the longest and most life-changing event that occurred in my live during that week.

As I was walking, I noticed that the sun was dancing. Seriously. First it was doing the macherena and then some Melbourne shuffle followed up by some other moves like the sunwalk(a similar variation of the moonwalk it's counterpart created). Obviously I didn't believe what my naked eyes were seeing, so I began to scrutinize it - which resulted in me frowning. Just then I realised my contacts were moving all around my eye and it wasn't just the sun that was dancing, basically everyone and everything were dancing too. Even the man on the traffic light was. Had a nice effect though, but it was hurting my eye.

After making sure my contacts were alright, I continued on my journey of discovery. The clouds started turning reddish orange. I ain't shitting you. The sun looked as if it was going to erupt hot lava. I was wondering wtf was going on. The apocalypse was coming or so I thought. I began tapping the shoulders of those around me and asked them whether are they witnessing this apocalyptic event unfolding right in front of their eyes. Apparently, none of them could see it, and I was the only lucky motherfucker. This time I checked to make sure my contacts weren't fucking with me again. They were perfectly fine. I was actually seeing this alright.

Out of nowhere, I heard a voice. Sounded more like a roar actually. It told me to go on bended knees. Luckily for me - as I would find out only later - I was on the sidewalk kneeling down and not on the road.

The clouds began moving eastwards and westwards, parting in the middle, like as if it had something to reveal to me. Just then, I saw this thing. It had a platypus's head on a lion's body. It's legs were that of horses and were white in colour. On the center of it's forehead, it had a curly swirly sharp thingy that protruded out exactly like that of a unicorn's. This creature had wings of a butterfly too; attached to it's sides. It looked like some scientist decided to fuck creation up by creating some weird as creature and naming it fuckeduplofogus or something like that.

But this creature was different. It has some kind of divine aura surrounding it. I knew for certain it wasn't from this world but most probably an escaped dick shit from Narnia or some place like that. I decided to see if this thing was going o talk at all. As if it could read my mind, at that very moment when I placed that imaginary full stop in my head, he began to talk.

It said this," You were made to eat meat you mofo. What the fuck is wrong with you you manly thing? Did you go all vegan delights just so you could talk to girls and use it as a pick-up line? I'll minus off 100 man points from your man book which I now hold in my hands, if I find that it was indeed true."

I was dumbfounded.

"What you are seeing now is real. It isn't a figment of your imagination. So listen carefully you dick, you will eat meat from today onwards. And when I say meat, I mean all forms of fucking meat. Are you thinking of what I'm thinking? I bet you are, you man-beast. Heard me loud and clear? Good. I do not want you touching any green crap ever again. It's full of chlorophyll an it's bad for you. Don't believe what people say. They know shit.

Don't waste my time of coming down to earth and setting things straight time and time again. You are my chosen messiah. You will be known as Man-Beast.

I on the other hand, will forever be known as Anonymous. I'll be anywhere and everywhere. So go forth now and preach the good news. Here's a sacred text to help you with your preaching.

To infinity and beyond."

Just like that it disappeared. And then a piece of paper landed right in front of me. To me it's shit. Anyway, here's a replica of it:

That my friends was what made me eat meat again.

From that day onwards I knew what my purpose in life was:

To eat all the fucking meat I set my eyes upon and convert those vegetarian dodos'.

MAN ZEN!

2009-06-03T17:07:00.000+08:00

"What is it that makes us human? Not somebody you can program,

you can't put it into a chip. It's the strength of the human heart.

The difference between us and machines."

"There is no fate except what we make."

-From the movie Terminator Salvation

2009-06-01T15:55:00.001+08:00

Why do people place 'Baby On Board' signs on their cars?

Come on, all of us know that whether or not there's a baby on board your car, it damn right doesn't matter one bit at all.

Basically, how is it that by stating that having a baby in your car will actually make drivers drive more carefully?

A life is a life, whether or not it's a baby or a full grown fag on board your car, both are alive and kicking and well the drivers (driving their cars behind you) won't give a shit at all.

Basically, there are clowns who actually believe that by putting up a sign like that - even if they do not have a kid or if their kid's not on board their car - it will actually lower their chances of not getting hit and being in an accident.

Yes there are people like these within our midst. What's the human race coming to?

I'm thinking of joining another species.

When they place those signs, they could be trying to say that...

Hey I'm heterosexual!

Hey I'm fertile!

How about placing a sign that states the following:

*personnel

(I'm too lady to edit it again).

2009-05-01T14:09:00.005+08:00

MEXICO CITY, May 01 (JNN) - Health officials fear they may have discovered how the first case of swine flu arrived in Mexico, it emerged last night, as the number of confirmed cases in this country reached ninety-one.

The "probable" case of domestic transmission involves Miss Pigathius "Piggy" Lee and Kermit, the celebrity couple who became the first confirmed cases after arriving for their honeymoon in Cancún, Mexico, with the virus.

Tests on Miss Piggy found low levels of influenza A virus, and the samples were flown to the Muppet's Health Protection Agency's main laboratories at Muppet Land, Florida, for further testing to establish whether she had the flu.

The swine flu virus has killed up to 176 people in Mexico, the epicentre of the outbreak (or so the Americans claim), and the World Health Organisation has raised the official alert level to phase 5, the last step before a pandemic.

With latest news out that the couple had the virus way before entering Mexico, both the Mexican and American health officials are at each others throats as to who is to be blamed for the outbreak.

Her publicist recently confirmed that Miss Piggy was indeed one of those killed by the virus, together with 175 other people.

Upon reaching the ears of many Americans early today morning, many were shell shocked by the news. America's favourite puppet couple who stole the hearts of many, with their crazy on screen antics, can never be replaced; even if Kermit were to re-marry for the 10th time as he's known to be the male Elizabeth Rosemond Taylor of the Muppet world.

Rumours are suggesting that he was responsible for his wife's death, after intentionally injecting her with a new strain on influenza virus, when she was really being a swine by not wanting to have a quickie with him immediately after exchanging vows at their wedding ceremony. She then made her way to Cancun, Mexico for their honeymoon carrying the virus inside of her, which later proved to be fatal after their first night there.

Her husband Kermit is apparently on the run from authorities, despite pleas from world health officials urging him to seek medical help, as he might be carrying the flu which could further jeopardize the lives of those he comes into contact with. Anyone who sees him, is encouraged to bring him to the nearest amphibian vet for treatment, though it is very hard to find one.

He was last seen on a recent ad for Ford motors, which he decided to do it for free - due to the economic downturn America's experiencing currently.

To many, this might be a sign of relief because, people all over the world can finally know how they coined the term swine flu; instead of believing speculations that went around claiming that this particular flu only affected those who were a swine in other's lives, which obviously made everyone cringe at the thought of getting it.

2009-03-09T18:58:00.003+08:00

Indian boys have a thing about giving up something that they deem inappropriate as they grow up. It's their own way of telling the world- but on most occasions themselves -that they are maturing.

About a decade ago, researchers discovered that with every bad habit deemed inappropriate by their(Indian boys) standards, which they tend to have given up; they picked up another one almost immediately.

[E.g. If he were to give up drinking and stop eating meat, he indulged himself in sex instead.]

In other words, these boys have very short attention span. They live by the following, "out with the old, in with the new".

So like an Indian boy going by the name of Ash, who once told me that he was a G.I.B. (Good Indian Boy) - a title that will forever be elusive to Indian boys worldwide- I had this to say to him...

"Indian boys are like undies(black) worn during field camp. They may not look dirty, even if you decide to change them everyday. But once you analyze it properly, it reeks of that filthy stench. It's as if nothing has changed."

- Jo

2009-02-14T20:58:00.004+08:00

Being badly hit by the economy, Valentine's Day just proved to be a memorable day for me after all.

After meeting up with my girlfriend, I planted a kiss on her lips and brought her over to my place. The sex can wait I told myself. It would be the icing on the cake.
First I decided to play it up a bit, to show her that I was indeed Mc' Lovin.

I asked her to close her eyes before bringing her into my crib. When she opened them, she saw candles that lit up that pitch-dark living room of mine.
I never did mention about the utilities bill that I had forgotten to pay 3 months back though.

Besides, at this point she was probably thinking of how sweet and romantic I was. And I wouldn't want to spoil it would I?
While she gasped in amazement with a jaw dropping expression on her face, I was thinking of just stuffing it in, like what mum used to do to that poor lil turkey on thanksgiving.

But no, I decided to control. Control. It's all in the mind. Besides the more you wait, the better it turns out right?

I let her sit on the floor. I told her that I was going for the picnic in the house theme. As long as you I both know that the furniture was auctioned off by the legal firm that came by earlier that morning, due to the late mortgage payment for the house; it's fine.

As she waited, I entered the kitchen to bring out the scrumptious meal that I had prepared specially for this grand occasion.

As we all know, when it comes to being romantic, the French are the ones who come out tops. So french cuisine would be best, and escargot de Bourgogne would be an ideal choice.
Why?
Well, the previous night there was a heavy downpour around my place and all those slimy fellas decided to come out. So well, the rest was history.
Somehow you see everything was falling into place. It was as if I had divine intervention.

I brought out 2 mugs that were stored in one of my kitchen cabinets. One stated "You're the Best Mom In The World", while the other stated "You're the Best Dad In the World." It wasn't exactly the kind of message I wanted to put across to her that night, but I hadn't any choice. Those were the mugs I was planning to give my parents ever since I was 16, but kept forgetting.
Seems like finally I had a use for them.

With 2 plates of escargot de Bourgogne on one hand, 2 mugs on the other and a bottle of freshly squeezed grape juice that seemingly had expired 2 years ago cupped under my armpit, I placed them on the floor. My waitering skills that I had picked up while working at a cafe, did come in useful after all. Lucky for me I didn't make a fool of myself by dropping them.

The moment she saw the French delicacy which I had prepared, the look on her face...oh my priceless. I didn't know what it meant. It was in between the 'you did this just for me?' and the 'holydickshit they're snails' look.
Being the guy who always looks on the bright side of life, I assumed she was impressed by my culinary skills and asked her to dig in without any hesitation.
Looking at me with a raised eyebrow, she gave me a 'huh?' look. Well, I didn't have an answer to that, so I carried on to taste my food to see if it could match up to Gordon Ramsay's Michelin standard. If you ask me, I think I was somewhere there.

She said she was full and left it untouched. I poured for both of us 'wine' (well if I did pay attention during science classes, then the fermentation of grape juice would result in wine; and a 2 year old wine would be just fine).
She took a sip, and was playing with it in her mouth just like any wine connoisseur would do, when suddenly she just spit it out on my face; unintentionally I suppose.

It was all turning out to be a nightmare, not exactly what I was expecting. I thought I would turn things around by giving her a card I made by myself with love and newspapers and sissors and glue of course.
She took hold of it, planted a kiss on my hand and opened it.

Here's a picture of it:

I had her speechless. I always did actually. Maybe it's the charm that switched itself on whenever it came to ladies. I knew I had it in me.
* (brushes dirt of my shoulders, Jay-z style)

What followed after that left me in tears. She threw the card out of the window, stood up came up to me and pulled me up.

Just then everything when into slow-mo. What I supposed to have been the swinging of her right arm, slowly landed on my cheek with her fingers beginning to stroke my cheek.
then her left hand swung up and grapped my other cheek. She was holding it just like how a lady with a martial arts background would be planning to headbutt someone. Her head was moving slowly forward, she bit her lips in a very fierce yet seductive way. As she got about 2 inches from my face, her lips landed on my lips, and she began kissing me with immense passion.

She definitely was unpredictable. Oh no wonder I loved her so much.

She tilted my head sideways and whispered into my ear "Mikey, you didn't have to do all this. I know you love me. I really do. I assume some things didn't actually go according to plan. But still, you made the effort to impress me. That was more than enough. Oh and I've got something to tell you my sugar coated honey bun."

"Well what is it my love?" I asked curiously.

With that glow in her eyes, she looked me in the eye and said, "Your wish came true, and I know we're going to be the best mummy and daddy to our kids."

"What the fuck? What wish? Since when? Gosh you got to be kidding right? Nice one honey, you had me there for a second."

"Honey what's wrong? You wanted to be a father right? You were planning to propose to me tonight, am I right?"

It was just about then, I began to pee in my pants.

2008-07-30T02:27:00.004+08:00

Samaire Rhys Armstrong
Born on Halloween.
Born in Japan.
Born to a Scottish dad and an Italian mum.

Now she is what I would call OHSOBLOODY HOT or in the words of the 'cool' kids; she is THE sex!

Though it would be a lot better if she was a lil plum.
Well no one's perfect aye.

-----------------------------------------------------

(x) brought out the teenage girl in a fellow male friend of mine
(x) despite including AN EXTRA quiz question after the ORIGINAL one with a space to distinguish the difference between the two, he thinks it was part of it and even decides to add that to the list of questions to answer.
(x) made sure that even though it was stated that it was stupid, he still decided to do it.
(x) made him thank YOU on his blog despite never stating in any way at all that it should be done by anyone else.
(x)have a stupid friend who did the stupid quiz?
(x)...and his name was Jonathan?

HAHAHAHAH! YOU BITCH!
As much as I feel bad doing this to you, you've got half a post dedicated to your stupidity on my blog!
:D

p.s. This is so going to increase traffic to your blog. Thank me later.

2008-07-28T11:36:00.000+08:00

What if modern day eve was a lady from the east, dressed up in a red chongsam with an orange in her hand?

I would be tempted to take a bite though; provided she's juicy.

Love

2008-07-27T02:22:00.000+08:00

Mad about Balls

2008-07-27T02:17:00.000+08:00

Random

2008-07-27T02:16:00.000+08:00

Drawings on my wall

2008-07-27T02:03:00.000+08:00

2008-07-27T00:39:00.000+08:00

It's our past that shapes us

2008-07-26T00:56:00.000+08:00

Deep into the dark deserted space we tend to enter,
To lock away our deepest darkest secrets that tends to linger.

Kept in the dark,
away from all,
it will only be between us and the four walls.
There will be moments when we'll be made to recall,
things done;
be it tall, small or anything at all.

Sex, lies and videotapes all swept under the carpet,
will collect dust just like any ol' blanket.

Roses are Red

2008-07-26T00:55:00.000+08:00

When a rose plant is bought,
no flowers can be seen.
You've got to give it love, kindness,
and all that's from within.

It'll bloom at your sight,
without any real might.

The flower that you now see,
is what you hope the other flowers after it to be.

The power that the first one possessed,
cannot be compared with the rest.

Cos' none can ever be like the first.

Copyright © 2008,
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2008).
All Rights Reserved.

Devil In Disguise

2008-07-26T00:54:00.000+08:00

I saw her,
I asked her,
What the time was.
She answered,
Quarter past twelve since it was over.

I told her,
Hold the candle gently,
And slowly blow off the fire,
So that,
It won't get any higher.

Hidden in the dark,
Away from the light,
Away from everyone else's
envious sight.

She can make,
Candles melt.
And hardened hearts too,
And also the power to break them,
into two.

Copyright © 2008,
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2008).
All Rights Reserved.

The Desire That I Know Of

2008-07-26T00:53:00.001+08:00

I beg you O’ Dear,
Please help me find my lover.
What will you tell him?
Tell him that his love makes me sick.

How is he better than that of others,
O’ Sweet Maiden?
How is he better than that of others,
That you do so beg us?

Polished & radiant,
He stands out from amongst millions.
Body of gold,
Head of crystals,

Eyes dipped in milk,
Spots of turquoise nicely set in place,
His lips of petals dripping with dew,
His mouth itself oozing with sweetness.

How can he not be worthy of your desire?
How can he not be worthy of your love?

Such fine is my lover,
The ever great charmer.

Copyright © 2008.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

Fill In The Blank...

2008-07-26T00:53:00.000+08:00

Bought a bed,
but couldn't buy sleep.

Paid for sex,
but couldn't buy love.

Bought glamorous gifts,
but couldn't buy trust.

Bought a house,
but couldn't buy a family.

Bought food,
but couldn't satisfy my soul.

Bought a car,
but couldn't reach my destination.

Bought a shelter,
but couldn't weather the storm.

Hired a comedian,
but couldn't buy laughter.

There are certain things money can buy,
But for everything else there's ______.

Copyright © 2008,
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2008).
All Rights Reserved.

Moments of A Timepiece

2008-07-26T00:52:00.000+08:00

If love was just a watch,
And romance the time,
Wouldn’t the hands be you and I?

What if we were to drop,
Causing romance to stop?
Would our love still work?

Could we fix it?
Or should we just go out and get another?

Romance will never stop,
Cos’ love can always be found at another watch shop.

Copyright © 2008.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

She signed out without me knowing

2008-07-26T00:51:00.000+08:00

Password to his life he gave her,
Like a key and lock; perfect match they were.

It was one sunrise ago that he asked,
“Would you be with me forever?”

She knew she had him,
She knew she had all his trust,
But soon she would be just a memory of his past.

Copyright © 2008.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

Lies about us lying

2008-07-26T00:50:00.000+08:00

Oh would you lie with me?
Oh would you lie with me?
Just this once I beg of you.

Oh lie with me,
Oh lie with me,
Just this once I beg of you,
So I can tell the world how good are you.

So lie with me,
So lie with me,
So lie with me would you?
As we lie on the bed of deceit that ain’t all true.

Copyright © 2008.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

Morning Glory

2008-07-26T00:49:00.001+08:00

Glory... glory... oh glorious morning glory,
Where is that song coming from?
That record about Mary.

Dipped in brass,
To prevent you from being perished,
Sparkling from the light in the room,
Surely you'll be cherished.

The song I hear,
Is not only heard in the morning.
Why is this so, oh glory... glory... glorious morning glory?

I'll move away the finger,
To hear no music...
About anger and sadness,
Way too tragic.

Copyright © 2008.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

Capitol F for F.

2008-07-26T00:49:00.000+08:00

She looks from the side of her eye,
She knows that I’m waiting for a try.

She reminds me of someone I once knew,
Eyes, nose and lips; the only clues.

She talks to the other beside her.
She holds her bag against her.

She speaks a word,
And looks towards.
She had me,
She had me yearning to see.

She charmed me by the way she walked,
She charmed me by the way she talked,
She charmed me by the way she moved,
She charmed me by the way she sat,
She charmed me by the way she slept,
She even charmed me by the way she got up and left…

She looks from the side of her eye,
She knows that I’m waiting for a try.

She reminds me of someone I once knew,
Eyes, nose and lips; the only clues.

She talks to the other beside her.
She holds her bag against her.

She speaks a word,
And looks towards,
But she ain’t the girl that got me charmed earlier heaven wards.

Copyright © 2008.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

A Wise Man's Tale

2008-07-26T00:48:00.001+08:00

A question once asked,
An answer never quite given.
For how did poetry come about,
And became the most profound language known to us.

A wise man once said,
"A lady once the apple of my eye,
Oh and she planted on my cheeks,
Yes these lovely rosy cheeks of mine,
A kiss of not that sort,
Far worse than fine.

Out from my mouth they flowed,
One word at a time,
They slowly rhymed,
And by themselves they began to shine."

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

She's Cold Like The Dead

2008-07-26T00:48:00.000+08:00

She's walking on the streets, and holding her lover firmly in her hand.
His profession is to make customized coffins for the dead.
She hates it.
An excuse?

She stops to utter some words to him.
None are heard, cos of the speeding traffic.

Just then, it begins to rain.
Her mascara beings to smudge.
He wonders why she's crying.
Or is she?

Who then will make a customized one for him, when he's dead?

Copyright © 2008.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

Hidden Agendas

2008-07-26T00:47:00.001+08:00

All's A Mystery

2008-07-26T00:47:00.000+08:00

A master of many disguises,
When to see which?
When to show what?

All's a mystery,
To both self and thy,
As for now,
Which do you wish to see?

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

A Tree That Awaits Us

2008-07-26T00:46:00.001+08:00

Trees can be multiplied,
Subtracted,
Divided,
And even added.
They can most definitely be destroyed too,
By us that is.

One thing is certain,
The one which he can not only lay his finger,
But his entire self,
Can never be destroyed.

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

Seeking The Unseeked

2008-07-26T00:46:00.000+08:00

On The Contrary

2008-07-26T00:45:00.001+08:00

High hopes reach the heavens,
Don't get them any higher,
Cos' it may prove contrary to what it beckons.

A line to walk the line,
I'll make my pick,
One out of the few felines,
That will make my knees go weak.

Incognito I'll be,
During the long and harsh process,
But the benefits at the very end I'll see,
Oh veeery the parameters of the norm it will transgress.

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

Rainy Days and Windless Nights

2008-07-26T00:45:00.000+08:00

A sight the sky,
With questions of why.

Leaves move without the need for wind,
While rain falls down to wash away our sins.

The body moves according to the beat of the DJ,
but who's the cause for the beat from the blue jay?

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

Around The Bend

2008-07-26T00:44:00.000+08:00

Happy I may seem to be,
But only one thing saddens me;
you not smiling.

How bout a shilling,
from me to thee,
for every time I would like to see?

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

Hidden Meanings

2008-07-26T00:42:00.000+08:00

If a piece of my - was given for everything - did or said,
I would have been nothing more than a soul wandering through the lands.
Hypocrisy at it's finest.
Fishing for - said - .
Fishing for - was indeed to be.
A bait it was,
Tied to a line.

Despite knowing what - could have been.
I tugged at it.
Harder and harder.
Faster and faster.
Nothing.

After a very long time.
It pulled - out.
Out into the open.
Everything could finally be seen.
Eyes once closed,
Now open.

I will never know why I did it.
- ?
It certainly killed the cat didn't it?

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

An Interesting Instinct

2008-07-26T00:41:00.000+08:00

A game is under way.
Number of players unknown.

Cards levitate in mid air is all you see.
Who’s turn is it now after ‘it’; me

They seem to razzle dazzle their way through.
Not knowing what’s in store for them.

The rules they bend,
Whenever they can,
Even on a bid that’s only worth a single cent.

I pity them, or is it just you?
For it takes me no where,
If that I do.

You blind me with thoughts,
Like a double edged sword.

To put this down,
Or the other one?
Which of these will end up leaving on me a frown?
Prepare I will for the worse.
Be it a blessing or a curse.

I seem to be losing,
With many in hand.
Down I will go,
By putting on a show,
With me many I’ll bring for that I’m sure.

My instincts will either prove me right,
Or I might end up waving a flag of white.

Turn is yours his hers whoever it is,
Busy you say doing other things.
But a game is under way from what I see.

You players will feel it too,
When my turn comes,
And later on,
I do it to you.

The game is not over.
And it will never be.
For tricks are played for the queen of hearts to see.

The house always wins,
No matter what,
Against the one’s,
The two’s and the three’s.

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

As The Jailbird Sings

2008-07-26T00:40:00.001+08:00

Pain for pleasure,
A body full of ink.
All just for leisure?
Why did his heart sink?

Two by four,
In it he lives,
Was it on purpose,
The criminal life he lives?

O' jail me up,
The jailbird sings.
For if you let me out,
My heart then will sink.

On him mounted,
Love birds on his chest.
Did he get what he wanted?
Seems like more of a mess.

An embarrassment;
to the people around him.
What more can he ask for,
When the lights begin to dim?

Thoughts linger,
To what extent does he want it to go?
Before he sees the danger,
that will eventually stop the flow.

The song he sings,
Again and again,
To no such person,
All in vain.

All these and such,
More than less,
You asked for too much,
Just to impress.

I rather sink,
Than not to sing.
'Kill me now' said he,
Cos' I'm an embarrassment to thee.

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

Colour Me Softly

2008-07-26T00:40:00.000+08:00

Hazel is all I see,
Black is all I can touch,
Your lips I wanna feel,
And for this how much?

Blue is what you wear,
Red is how much you care,
Violet is what you hold.
And so the value of your soul?

How do you do?
Brush and paints used.
A gray scale canvas
And from it colours grew...

If 7 could be derived,
From one end to the other,
Not just with 1,
When what you need is 2.

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

Dear Whoever...

2008-07-26T00:39:00.000+08:00

Dear unloving,
thank you for teaching me to be Loving.

Dear unfaithful,
thank you for teaching me to be Faithful.

Dear unforgiving,
thank you for teaching me to be Forgiving.

Dear ungrateful,
thank you for teaching me to be Grateful.

Above all...
Dear God, thank you for them.

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

YOU yes YOU!

2008-07-26T00:38:00.000+08:00

As you crossed the bridge,
A message you sent,
That melted my heart,
As you went.

Once, twice, thrice...
Did it really say what it said?
Did I really see what I saw?
I guess...
No matter what,
I love you too!

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

The Treasure That Is Left

2008-07-26T00:37:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder,
Whether the treasure I seek,
Is it even in it.
I already got it,
The key I wear on my sleeve,
Awaiting for a chance to unlock it.

Will it quench my fantasies,
Or magnify my desires?

With your speech you dazzle,
You deem.
But not to the other,
It seems.

The faith is missing,
Just like I had imagined,
So now I await patiently,
For the day to come,
Riding on a chariot,
With a bow and arrow,
Up your sleeve,
Heading for what's left.

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

A Penny From Me To You

2008-07-26T00:36:00.001+08:00

I give one penny, I get back two pennies.
You give two pennies, you get back four pennies.

If life was all about this,
The point then you miss.
What would you take away,
when life plants on you a death kiss?

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

Bit By Bit

2008-07-26T00:36:00.000+08:00

From the earth they grow,
Good of nature,
And good by nature too,
Then into a piece of paper,
They turn into.

Printed on it;
Images,
Words and Numbers.

Still as innocent as formed,
No one senses anything.

Evil soon they become,
It and the holder.

Work for me,
And I’ll make it work for you.
For the greater good of mankind,
Taking it in our stride,
To conquer this fantasy,
Of both yours and mine.

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

Knowingly I Seek Something

2008-07-26T00:34:00.000+08:00

Good day!

O' Sir here's a prize,
Accompanied with the radiant sunrise.

Like feathers on a chick,
or is it a chicken?
No matter what,
Thou you weaken.

Gustav Klimt portrayed something like it,
used,
Adieu with a moonlight flit.

1907,
Thousand later,
The 9 falls, rolls over,
And loses it's feather.

I wonder how,
with eyes shut,
Did the Sir,
with both hands holding onto his cruet,
Know about the prize,
that was not given to him by a midget,
Despite it being just a box of zinc?

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

Parti pris

2008-07-26T00:33:00.001+08:00

Yesterday and Today,
Wednesday and Thursday,
Blessing or a Curse,
Not the latter with today's verse.

Lucky or Unlucky,
Blessing or a Curse,
Meekly and Tacky,
For better or for worse?

A 21st Century kris you typed,
Did I judge amiss?

Me-
Guilty of parti pris?

You-
Open your eyes and see!

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

A ride of more 'l's

2008-07-26T00:33:00.000+08:00

Rides on four wheels,
A driver out with heels,
To pay,
Or steal and be the Romeo and Juliet of the highway.

With words like those,
Fit only for a prose.

A lesson of more 'l's,
A sight to behold,
Yours are certainly food for my soul.

Aloft you sent my spirit,
Up into the highest mountains,
To meet the scarlet harlot in Lickskillet.
OH!

Some drew a response,
Others a yawn,
On the canvas that mirrored twice that of the sun.

I wonder how,
I wonder why,
I wonder what makes us so shy.

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

The Flower

2008-07-26T00:32:00.001+08:00

Far across a distance,
And old deserted well.

Took a peak and found,
A thing that was far from well.

South of the well an extravagant beauty,
A fine mountain,
If seen the other way round.

The past was full of beauty,
The present is full of it too.

If you had a tail,
That would have been you.

Year of wonders,
And it was part of it,
It touched that pole,
And changed it to...

Six petals of exquisiteness,
That would soon be true.

Pure as white,
Innocent and bright,
It filled Venus with a plethora of spite.

Remember this day,
For that I say,
For the flower that made the sun rise,
Bloomed two months before,
The month of May.

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

Shining In The Darkness

2008-07-26T00:32:00.000+08:00

Quiet you may seem,
Without sound.

Outshining the dark background,
A place where we all are placed.

Others blink for notease,
But not you,
Even without yourself knowing,
You get my attention.

Different from the rest,
Cos of your uniqueness.
A league of your own it seems.

He rules us all.
He is the greater light,
Despite the darkness throughout the night.

I stand alone,
Looking up in amazement,
At the creation of His.

Glimmered from the reflection against my eye,
Only one caught my hi.

Scarcity...
Diamonds...
The reason why.

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

Silly Me!

2008-07-26T00:31:00.000+08:00

Dear you, we have been close for so long,
Since the days when we were young.
You entered into my life,
while being so shy.

We had stay-overs,
While having grilled chicken foldovers.
We did many pranks,
With my neighbors chicken franks.

You made the house a mess,
Which gave my mum a lot of stress.
You began stealing my money,
I guess to you it might have seemed funny.

Come to think of it,
You do not seem much of a good friend,
But instead more of a fiend.
My parents have decided to shift somewhere,
A place where you will be found nowhere.

You’ll never know where I’m sending this from!

P.S. My address has been enclosed behind this.

(A supposedly humorous poem I wrote for my brother's Lit class)

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

Where? Why?

2008-07-26T00:30:00.002+08:00

Where are the stars that come out in the morning?
Why are there lies hidden behind the truth?
Where is the love behind the hatred?
Why walk when you can fly?

Come out from your hiding and let's talk this out.
Your world might be of something else,
But your eyes are fixed on a different prize.

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

Touch Me Not...

2008-07-26T00:30:00.001+08:00

Fields of plenty,
Among them a few,
Scattered like weed,
And it ain't new.

Touching it might make it shy,
But touching another might make you cry,
So which one are you?

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.

The Target I Missed

2008-07-26T00:30:00.000+08:00

Walking down memory lane,
All I see is a target in front of me,
The comb of the Roman Goddess Venus.

A bow in one,
An arrow in another.

Took aim,
Fired it,
Pierced through the crowd,
Through the hearts of many,
Before heading for it.

OH!
But I missed it.
I missed you.

Copyright © 2007.
Written by Emmanuel Joseph Victor (2007).
All Rights Reserved.